Forum of Chuck Worshipping
Monday, August 24, 2009
Found this on a dead Twitter account:
- The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
- Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.
- The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.
- Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
- When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."
- The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
- Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.
- Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
- Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris
- Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
- Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
- Frale lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
- Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.
- Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
- When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
- Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.
- Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
- Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
- Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
- Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.
- Chuck Norris can divide by zero
- Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
- There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
- The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer
- Dear2World is so horrible she even scared Chuck Norris! :)
- Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.
- Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris
- We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.
- Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.
- Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
- Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
- Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.
- If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.
- Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.
- Chuck Norris can speak braille.
- If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chan...
- Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.
- Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.
- When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.
- Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
- When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
- The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
Friday, October 31, 2008
I'm Voting for Those Not Yet Born
Updated 10/28/2008 ET
( Read more...Collapse )
Winning the election is not just about what the underdogs -- such as John McCain and Sarah Palin, two maverick pro-life advocates -- should do. But it's about what the citizens who are fighting for the underdogs can do. We the people must stand up, go back to the basics, and once again vote our values.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
Here's a Chuck Norris fact you may not know. If Chuck Norris endorses you and appears in one of your campaign's TV ads, you take the lead in an Iowa poll and your Web server crashes. That's what happened to Mike Huckabee, the shrewder-than-you-realize former Arkansas governor (sound familiar?) who has become a major player in the tight Republican presidential race.
Monday, November 5, 2007
5:43PM - !ALL HAIL CHUCK!
Chuck has recently deigned to let the general public bask in his glorious aura once again, staring in a commercial for the Honda Ridgeline.
If that embedding doesn't work for you, here's the url
Chuck desires comments and new material on his #1 fan site. He told me.
Thursday, October 18, 2007
2:43PM - Kicking Chuck Norris' ass
1:48 AM 10/18/07 · For some odd reason or other, Chuck Norris has worked himself into the American mindscape as being completely and totally unbeatable. He's featured in a number of online games this way, the odd soda commercial, and several repeat appearances on Family Guy. Don't get me wrong, Chuck know hus stuff and I used to love his films...but more often than not the only place you can find him these are a bunch of early morning infomercials for exercise equipment.
He had his day and I love checking out his stuff. Hell, you put on Walker, Texas Ranger and I'm fairly mesmerized. Still...as tough as he is, he's really not that tough.
I could take him in a fair fight.
Pretty much wipe the floor with him.
Of course, he's had decades of martial arts training...and I haven't. In order to even things up, make it a fair fight, I'd need some things. Nothing too unusual...just stuff:
- One flamethrower.
- Grandma Dynamite (really ancient cartoon reference).
- A baby ninja...with plastic weapons it can't accidentally swallow.
- An adolescent radioactive kung fu hamster.
- Explosive bunnies, preferrably starving.
- Can of spray flavored essence of carrot.
- Five hundred gallons of shaving creme.
- Cardboard cut out of Bruce Lee...for that psychological edge.
- One rabid flamingo, pink coloring or not...isn't really important.
- A furry dressed as a tribble.
- Masi Oka...just because. Might have to kidnap him.
- A catapult.
- A hive filled with killer bees.
- A bee suit.
- A yo·yo...should probably learn how to "walk the dog".
- Cartoon punch hammer (think Who Framed Roger Rabbit?).
- A bottle of nair (for the beard).
- Three harrier jets.
- An attack trained porcupine.
- Warlock in a neon pink tutu.
- A sex addicted rhino.
Did one of these a stretch back for Jet Li: Clicky! Did a quick skim for Jet Li communities first, only found one that was barely active, posted it there too.
Think I'll poke around and see if there's any Chuck Norris comms that might benefit from this list..
Monday, October 30, 2006
2:53AM - Chuck is back!
OMG everyone, check out Chuck's new movie, The Cutter, airing Wednesday, 11/1/06, on Spike, channel 325, at 6:00 P.M. Pacific time.
Don't miss it. He pwns nazis.
Tuesday, August 1, 2006
This community looks dead, but I'm hoping that out there people are still viewing it. You can help Chuck Norris be immortalized as a bridge! Info:
A NEW bridge in Hungary could be named after Hollywood action movie actor Chuck Norris unless the trend turns in an internet vote organised by the Economy Ministry.
Votes for the "Chuck Norris Bridge" had attracted 8725 votes or 11 per cent by latest count, just ahead of those cast in favour of naming it after Hungarian humorist Geza Hofi and three times more than for Szent Istvan, founder of the state.
Full article at:
Here's the direct link to the voting page. It's not in english, but if you search for chuck norris you'll see the voting bubble.
Thursday, April 6, 2006
9:24PM - Hello Everyone!
aah... This is the co-maintainer of the community. Yasaininja and I have both gotten to see this community go from just 2 to 64 members. Alright!!! May the Chuck be with you always.
Wednesday, April 5, 2006
8:21PM - Colt
I have been wondering something for a long time: where have all of these random sayings about Chuck Norris come from? Yesterday in Calculus a boy told me that Chuck Norris invented intercourse. I got so mad that I punched him in the throat. I just don't understand. I love Chuck Norris and always will, but I just don't like hearing undeserving people throwing his name around like so much trash. So where did it all originate?
Sunday, April 2, 2006
Hey everybody, I would like to apologize for not being around for the past 4 months; it's due to several things, mainly my not having internet access, but now that I got a new router that shouldn't be a problem any longer.
Anyways I'll probably be working on the community a bit. Welcome to all our new members; may Chuck spill blessings upon you.
Until later, eat your bacon.
Friday, March 10, 2006
Happy Birthday, Chuck Norris.
Thursday, February 16, 2006
If you think Chuck Norris on the Daily Show would be nothing but SHEER AND UTTER AWESOMENESS, click Here and post a comment saying so :D
Maybe this has been linked before, I dunno because I'm relatively new. But here is a way to shout out your allegiance to the Beard. Wear it proud and loud, America!
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
10:14AM - Should you grow a beard?
Just joined to indulge my fascination of all things Chuck.
Have any of you taken this test lately? http://www.okcupid.com/tests/take?testi
It's not too hard to avoid the dread "roundhouse kick to the face" but the test is worth it solely for Question #15, or How Chuck Escaped Certain Death in Lone Wolf McQuade. And everyone knows that JJ McQuade is the original Texas Ranger. Walker's got nothing on McQuade, or his supercharged Dodge.
Wednesday, February 8, 2006
Thought I'd pop by and say hi...kind of a lurker, but love all things Chuck, love Walker, Texas Ranger, roundhouse kicks to the face, and the knowledge that there's no chin under that beard.
A friend passed this one to me, and I thought I'd share the wealth:
Looking forward to getting my daily dose of Chuckstacy!
Thursday, February 2, 2006
5:15AM - Banner
4:49AM - I <3 Chuck
You guys have to watch this flash for the Chuck Norris bit!!
Tuesday, January 31, 2006
4:05PM - Jimmy and Chuck
I don't know how it is in the rest of the country, but here in Chicago WFLD is playing the Yes, Dear episode with Chuck Norris this Friday. Here is the listing.
Yes, Dear - "Jimmy and Chuck"
WFLD, Fri Feb 03 04:30pm CST
Monday, January 23, 2006
4:49PM - Young Chuck Norris
Did you guys see this?
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