Doppleganger (evilgrins) wrote in chucknorisisgod,

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Chuck Norris probably know you are reading this...

Found this on a dead Twitter account:
  • The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.

  • Chuck Norris does not know where you live, but he knows where you will die.

  • The phrase, "You are what you eat" cannot be true based on the amount of pussy Chuck Norris eats.

  • Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.

  • When God said, "Let there be light", Chuck Norris said, "say please."

  • The only time Chuck Norris was wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.

  • Rosa Parks refused to get out of her seat because she was saving it for Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris once bowled a 300. Without a ball. He wasn't even in a bowling alley.

  • Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

  • Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

  • Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

  • Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.

  • Frale lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

  • Chuck Norris is always on top during sex because Chuck Norris never fucks up.

  • Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.

  • When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.

  • Chuck Norris can delete the Recycling Bin.

  • Once a cobra bit Chuck Norris' leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

  • Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".

  • Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

  • Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The Islands.

  • Chuck Norris can divide by zero

  • Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.

  • There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.

  • The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

  • Dear2World is so horrible she even scared Chuck Norris! :)

  • Giraffes were created when Chuck Norris uppercutted a horse.

  • Chuck Norris sleeps with a night light. Not because Chuck Norris is afraid of the dark, but the dark is afraid of Chuck Norris

  • We all know the magic word is please. As in the sentence, "Please don't kill me." Too bad Chuck Norris doesn't believe in magic.

  • Bullets dodge Chuck Norris.

  • Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."

  • Bill Gates lives in constant fear that Chuck Norris' PC will crash.

  • If you play Led Zeppelin's "Stairway to Heaven" backwards, you will hear Chuck Norris banging your sister.

  • Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris pajamas.

  • Chuck Norris can speak braille.

  • If you spell Chuck Norris wrong on Google it doesn't say, "Did you mean Chuck Norris?" It simply replies, "Run while you still have the chan...

  • Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.

  • Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch, HE decides what time it is.

  • When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn’t lifting himself up, he’s pushing the Earth down.

  • Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.

  • When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.

  • The chief export of Chuck Norris is Pain.
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